Upscale

Upscale designs appreciate, great designs that are ridiculously expensive—$85 to start—and get even more ridiculously expensive every month.

See only The Haberdashing upscale designs. (Men)
See only Clothes for Girls upscale designs. (Women)


Combinatoriks

A Plaid Shirt

1 once thought twice about 3 times that.

Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again.

For one of them was TRUE and Good.

Permute the whole place, here.

Old price:
$95

New price is $22.


A Plaid Shirt

A Plaid Shirt

I was yachting with a lumberjack and a farmer.

The lumberjack turns to me, and he says, “hey, I like your shirt.”

So I turn to the farmer and I say, “I love chaos.”

The farmer turns to the lumberjack, and recommends this shirt, here.

Old price:
$95

New price is $22.


Snap

Snap

I wondered what this upscale tee meant.
And then I asked my phone.

Ah.
I see.
Very nice.
Really, amazing.
Really, really amazing.

Well, it’s all less confusing, here.

$95
(You can still get it for $29.)

The Jack of Boomerhand

The Jack of Boomerhand
Oh I tell ya what,
You don’t know Jack.
He got a’hold of himself a boomerang,
Him, the Queen, the King,
Said he’d never come back.
Well I tell you what,
He’ll be back.

They always come back, here.

$95
(You can still get it for $29.)

Wonders of Technology

Wonders of Technology

It’s that time again.
What time?
Midnight, I think, or maybe noon.
That’s the time it was last time.

It’s always that time, here.

$95
(You can still get it for $29.)

The Fox and the Grapes

Children picking up our bones Will never know that these were once  As quick as foxes on a hill

O! That fox, how he lept, leapt, and leaped
for those delicious grapes, high upon the branch.
Lucky for him, he could not reach them,
because they were sour and gross.
Unlucky for the rabbit, he could reach him,
because he was hungry and angry at those stupid grapes.

I think that’s how it went. Let’s ask the whole warren, here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)

Hedging your Best

Hedging your Best

Ah yes, there was that story once,
where the hedgehog fell in love
with that delicate, delicate balloon
filled with toxic poison.

As I recall, they hugged often,
and lived happily ever after, here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)

Beaver Deceiver

Beaver Deceiver

Do you remember that old tale they told,
about the beaver and the Old Man’s oak tree?
Where the cross Old Man asked the beaver to remove the ol’ Oak in his backyard.

The old man gets the bill, it’s like $900—wayyyyyyy over the estimate. I didn’t ask for this. OK, fine, destumping I asked for that, but the tire rotation, the embossed fleurs-de-lis, these ivory accents, the boob job, the cityscape—an entire city? Are you kidding me?!

“But it has a sunroof, now. It looks really nice,” said the beaver.
“I didn’t ask for a sunroof. I just asked for my tree cut down.”
“And destumped.”
“Right, and destumped.”

I forget what the moral is, but the boobs look nice here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)

Elephant’s Braveyard

Elephant's Braveyard

Ah, there’s that old fabled fable,
where the army made of Mice
stood up to the charging Elephant.
I recall, they were so brave,
maybe more than able.
I also recollect, how it ended—

A lot of flat mice.

Run it down here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)

Pit Bull’s Dilemma

Pit Bull's Dilemma

Do you remember that old Aesop fable
About the pit bull whose ball was on the table?
I think the moral was:
“Always get your ball off the table.”

Go fetch, here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)

Moon Bite

Moon Bite

We who eat the moon in a single bite,
shall drink the sea in a single gulp.

Do you see my teethmarks on the moon?

And we’ll finish it off with snacks, here.

$115
(You can still get it for $29.)

So do Turtles live like Sharks

So do Turtles Live like Sharks

While wearing a handsome upscale shirt, I was reminded:

How clever Sasha told me that turtles too, must keep moving.

And that, friend, is why turtles never die.

Let us follow behind them, hastily, here.

$115
(You can still get it for $29.)

Parts of the Fox

Parts of the Fox

I, for one, have always wondered: What are the parts of the fox?

Certainly, they are many. Let us consider them all, thoughtfully:

  • Head
  • Triangles in the Ears
  • The Mutton Chops
  • Mustaches
  • Cunning
  • Jack O’ Lantern

Thankfully, I may now consult my shirt, worn upon my chest, here.

$115
(You can still get it for $29.)

These Stairs

These Stairs do not Lead to the Castle

Walking in Budapest, sharp-eyed Chris once observed:

There was a sign, and so simply it told you—without words or arrows—that this set of stairs would not lead you to the castle.

“Could you say so much with so little?” we asked.

If so, you master, draw us how it would sound, draw how the castle would smell, draw out the spirits of contented people.

If so, you may follow the stairwell here.

$115
(You can still get it for $29.)

I am a Model

I am a Model

There was a time, last fall.

I asked a scientist to tell me about the wind. And he showed me this.

Then I asked the wind to tell me about the scientist. And he showed me this.

Now, I have forgotten which was which. But it does not matter.

Surely, the true thing can be found here.

$115
(You can still get it for $29.)

Half Passed

Half Passed: An Excellent Upscale Teeshirt

Please, it is late, and I am tired, and my hairs need washed, every one.

I am busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy with things, and the day, and every moment and minutiae and—

But, wait, hey, Sweet, if only now, we can make time, I think, to say hello.

If only we meet at such and such time, here.

$125
(You can still get it for $29.)

Róka The First

Róka The (Second): A Handsome Upscale Teeshirt

To my dear friend, Róka, who admired the lifestyle of the fox, and sought to emulate it.

He was shot dead—raiding a chicken coop—at the tender age of 29. Naked.

The gods took pity on him, and placed him on my shirts.

Respect. Here.

$125
(You can still get it for $29.)

The Dragon and The Tiger

Awesome teeshirt, tee, tee shirt, and t-shirt concerning a Dragon and a Tiger.
While wearing an upscale shirt, little Jimmy came to me and said:

“Your upscale shirt is so awesome, it is like a ferocious winged dragon with giant bull horns, who holds electric eels in his hands, eels that spit deadly poison, and so cool he sits upon an even awesomer tiger.”

I asked him to draw this design for me. As I put the shirt upon my chest, I asked him, “But Jimmy, where is the tiger?”

The wise child only laughed at this foolish old man.

Ahhhh. There is the tiger!

$125
(You can still get it for $29.)

No, Only Snakes

No, Only Snakes; Snake, snake, snake, snake, panda, snake, snake, snake

Uh oh. You’re surrounded, friend.

Take to the trees.

Surely, you’ll be safe, there.

$125
(You can still get it for $29.)

Mustache to a Gunfight

Mustache to a Gunfight

Authentic mustache of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

Genuine six-shooter of Julius Caesar.

Tragic. Truly tragic.

Upset an empire, here.

$125
(You can still get it for $29.)

Top Something

Top Something teeshirt

Maybe top hat? Maybe top hate?

But who could hate a top hat?

I assure you, there are bad people in this world.

Let’s start the fire here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Leader of the Pack

Leader of the Pack

Swimming in a pack.
The one who smiles is kingly.
Now, nature, decide.

Haiku it here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Jadransko Rorschach

Jadransko Rorschach

Just coffee stains, but for keeps. Spot the pattern in a square.

You can even change the color.

Split one here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Schornsteinfegerschule

Schornsteinfegerschule

Was machst du?

Ich? Nichts. Aber ich habe einen guten Hut.

Guck mal hier

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

We live like Sharks

We live like Sharks

Shark can’t help it.
It’s his nature.

Live like it here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

More Yak!

Love that Yak!
Who doesn’t love that Yak?

It’s yaktime here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

More mixed fruit.

More Mixed Fruit.  Apples, Bananas.
Banana. Check it out.

Mix it up here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

We live like Sharks

We like like Sharks

Shark can’t help it.
It’s his nature.

Live like it here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Brickfish

Brickfish

Fish + Brick.

Go fish here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Mixed Fruit

Mixed Fruit

Banana. Check it out.

Mix it up here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Touch

Touch

What does it say? Only your blind friends will know.

Start a conversation.

Touch it here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Nyitva

Nyitva

What does it say? The meaning is open to interpretation. (And closed.)

Close it down here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Yak!

Yak!

Who doesn’t love that Yak?

It’s yaktime here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)

Relax, Alligatort

Relax, Alligatort

Have you ever wondered what it is like to be an Alligator (or Alligatort)?

Relaxing.

Wonder here.

$135
(You can still get it for $29.)