Combinatoriks

A Plaid Shirt

1 once thought twice about 3 times that.

Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again. Then I thought it again.

For one of them was TRUE and Good.

Permute the whole place, here.

Old price:
$95

New price is $22.

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A Plaid Shirt

A Plaid Shirt

I was yachting with a lumberjack and a farmer.

The lumberjack turns to me, and he says, “hey, I like your shirt.”

So I turn to the farmer and I say, “I love chaos.”

The farmer turns to the lumberjack, and recommends this shirt, here.

Old price:
$95

New price is $22.

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Upscale facebooks, redesigns, etc.

So, some news:

First, there have been enough whispers that it’s necessary for us to get a facebook page. Please join Upscaletees there—we’ll post a link when it’s up. We “like” that.

Second, we’re redoing the designs a little. Feedback tells us that although people like that plucky sturgeon, he’s too big on the shoulder, and there will be some changes to the lowball lineup, too. So, we’re going to shrink him down on all future shirts, and redesign the designs we’ve already released. On the one hand, this means your Upscale is going to look different from all future Upscales—people will be confused: ‘what kind of Upscale is that?’ they will ask. On the other hand, you basically got in on the ground floor like a cool kid. You have the collector’s upscale. (The Upscalest Upscale?)

So, do whatever you want with that news. If you’re thinking of buying 100 Upscales, you might want to wait. Unless you really, really want the big shoulder collector’s style. (Then you should buy 200.)

Third, the promotion, that you can still get tees for the starting price of $85 has been extended. It’ll end once the redesign is over, and prices will resume appreciating as usual, at the fully appreciated rate.

Also, new designs are coming soon, fourth.

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Snap

Snap

I wondered what this upscale tee meant.
And then I asked my phone.

Ah.
I see.
Very nice.
Really, amazing.
Really, really amazing.

Well, it’s all less confusing, here.

$95
(You can still get it for $29.)
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The Jack of Boomerhand

The Jack of Boomerhand
Oh I tell ya what,
You don’t know Jack.
He got a’hold of himself a boomerang,
Him, the Queen, the King,
Said he’d never come back.
Well I tell you what,
He’ll be back.

They always come back, here.

$95
(You can still get it for $29.)
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Wonders of Technology

Wonders of Technology

It’s that time again.
What time?
Midnight, I think, or maybe noon.
That’s the time it was last time.

It’s always that time, here.

$95
(You can still get it for $29.)
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The Fox and the Grapes

Children picking up our bones Will never know that these were once  As quick as foxes on a hill

O! That fox, how he lept, leapt, and leaped
for those delicious grapes, high upon the branch.
Lucky for him, he could not reach them,
because they were sour and gross.
Unlucky for the rabbit, he could reach him,
because he was hungry and angry at those stupid grapes.

I think that’s how it went. Let’s ask the whole warren, here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)
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The Lowdown on Upscale Prices

You may have heard a grumbling, mumbling, rumbling around the internets that price changes were afoot at Upscale. This is true—grumble no more, friends. Here’s a summary of changes:

  • Upscale is still ridiculously expensive, and will continue to get more ridiculous, more expensive, and more all around awesome as time goes by.
  • Lowball prices have moved lower. Previously, a lowball tee would set you back $45 bones. Now, they’ll be in the $20s range.
  • Most Upscale designs will also have a Lowball twin, featuring the same design but with the brand “Upscale” added prominently to the front.

Whoa, wait, why? Turns out, after much research, this is better for everyone:

  • For Upscale People: This makes the continuously appreciating Upscale brand now even more Upscale. The bonus is that now, with more people walking around wearing Lowball shirts, more people will be looking us up, and will know exactly how much you paid for that shirt. Your investment gets more notice, which makes it an even better display. Great.
  • For Lowball People: People who don’t want to pay for appreciation but still like our style, fine, you can afford our shirts now—but you pay the difference between the $85 and the $30 by advertizing for the Upscale folk in group 1. That seems like a fair trade to us—especially if you’re attractive and cool. Oh, and of course, if you don’t want to advertize, you can still upgrade to Upscale. Buy the unbranded, switch team, and people will again know that in addition to having great taste in shirt design, you are also an Upscale baller.
  • For us: We get dollaz, thanks.

See? Everyone wins.

Anyway, expect Lowballs to begin rolling out soon at the new prices.

Thanks,
Upscale

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Hedging your Best

Hedging your Best

Ah yes, there was that story once,
where the hedgehog fell in love
with that delicate, delicate balloon
filled with toxic poison.

As I recall, they hugged often,
and lived happily ever after, here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)
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Beaver Deceiver

Beaver Deceiver

Do you remember that old tale they told,
about the beaver and the Old Man’s oak tree?
Where the cross Old Man asked the beaver to remove the ol’ Oak in his backyard.

The old man gets the bill, it’s like $900—wayyyyyyy over the estimate. I didn’t ask for this. OK, fine, destumping I asked for that, but the tire rotation, the embossed fleurs-de-lis, these ivory accents, the boob job, the cityscape—an entire city? Are you kidding me?!

“But it has a sunroof, now. It looks really nice,” said the beaver.
“I didn’t ask for a sunroof. I just asked for my tree cut down.”
“And destumped.”
“Right, and destumped.”

I forget what the moral is, but the boobs look nice here.

$105
(You can still get it for $29.)
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